the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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