Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
