saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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