Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
