Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
