If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize