as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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