I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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