Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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