Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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