maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
