hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
