Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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