I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
