he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
