dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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