somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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