you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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