He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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