if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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