I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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