Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
