how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We smell like vodka and hangover
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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