i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this just has baby written all over it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
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Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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