You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
