So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
