the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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