I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize