My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
