I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ttyl tear gas
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
