i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
