I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well I just put wine in my tea
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
