Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
