Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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