One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
