Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
