If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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