You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
