I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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