The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
