my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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