i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
