I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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