Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
