Just fell off a train. Bad.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
