just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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