My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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