He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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