dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
