I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
