Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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