we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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