Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
