Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
