my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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