I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
