i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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