does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
