thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
