I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
