So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
