i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
