I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
