My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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