normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
