plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
