Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
