you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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