very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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