I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
