guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
