Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
