dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
